For things that never come.
--
I'm a speedy gonzales.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Batam
The moment I stepped into the car, i missed everyone, I miss the hotel, I miss the sun, I miss the weekend. It was a short trip but at the same time its long in my memory. I’m not sure why.
I’m glad it wasnt over-packed. Im glad we took our time with things. I’m glad we played together. I’m very glad for Friday. I’m glad you thought of it. I appreciate it. Clean fun in the sun was something we all needed. Physical activity with some major sun exposure for i think we’ve all pruned and yellowed from being in our offices for too long.
It was a good break. More trips coming up.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Raicle Bemrylik the Hare
Because sometimes we get disappointed by people,
disappointed by places and it hurts.
And you get exasperated.
You want to scream "why dont you understand me?".
Its all in the expectations.
We just have to managed ourselves better.
=(
The little Hare, his name Raicle Bemrylik, of Russian decent, had to slave away at the fields everyday. The other hares didnt care for Raicle so much but they would still include him at lunch or while having a blade of grass together. You see Raicle was different. While the rest of the mad hares were local Ukrainians who were used to the lands and all its associated food chain and way of living, Raicle was still struggling to learn the ways of the world, quite different from that of what he knew in Russia.
The other Hares think Raicle silly? The other Hares think Raicle naive? Perhaps they thought of Raicle as a Russian Spy. Perhaps they thought of Raicle as a useful tool. Perhaps perhaps perhaps. It didn’t matter, Raicle was happy to be in Ukraine where the sun was a little brighter and the wind a lesser cold.
Sometimes Raicle would get bothered when the mad hares called out to him…
“Hey Bemrylik! Why you so small? Whats the matter? Not enough food in Russia?” and they would laugh together.
And Raicle would laugh it off as he slung his little world traveller bag on the fields. But he was sad. What choice did he have in food if Russia was run by a some man called Stalin who talked only about all things Communist? Raicle did what he could best to stay afloat. Raicle felt small.
Raicle had seen much of the terrible things that humans were capable of doing to each other. Russia was in poverty. People were cruel to each other. Raicle couldn’t let it happen to himself, to his new eutopia. Raicle the Hare protected what he knew of his safe haven- His circle of working Ukrainian Hares that sang the song “Carrots are Good for You” everyday of their lives.
As Raicle was hopping by a stream one day, Sajav, the Ukrainian elder came hopping towards him. Raicle was startled as he was in the midst of appreciating the trickling water in the stream.
And Sajav said “Bemrylik, I’m here to tell you that the group of Ukrainian Carrot Travelling Hares have decided to let you go. We are moving to Moldova in the south and we don’t want you to follow.”
Raicle was shocked. He didn’t know what to say except to be very sad. The only Hare family he knew wanted to move on without him.
“But why Sajav? Why?” Raicle cried out as he fought back his tears. Images of Russia and the dying hares flashed across his little bunny mind. He was petrified.
Sajav cared little and as he hopped away he turned back ever so slightly and said “it doesn’t really matter why, just go.”
Raicle dropped his head as he slid himself on the cool grass. A tear fell on his little foot. This little foot had to take him back to Russia and Raicle cried.
Raicle tried and tried
but he was tired.
Very tired.
And at times he was angry too
but he couldn’t express himself.
He tried to hold it in.
This was afterall a different place.
Raicle made effort. Raicle was civil. Raicle shared. Raicle gave.
Raicle was thrown away again.
The little Hare got on his furry feet and hopped with his world traveller bag sadly along the stream, not sure where to go or what to do. In fact, he was not sure of anything except that little prick in his tiny hare heart.
After hopping for 2 days without food, Raicle finally decided his destination. He had heard of a beautiful river back in his homeland Russia- the Svernaya Dvina River. Raicle loved water and he knew that if he returned to his homeland and to this river and lived by the river for awhile, perhaps he would feel better.
So Raicle hopped and hopped… he hopped for 211 days. Until he finally came to the beautiful Svernaya Dvina.
“Dvina. This is Perfect. Its beautiful,” said Raicle as he set his world traveller bag down and began to prepare for a swim. As the water touched his fur and cooled him down, Raicle felt a beautiful release. He kicked his tiny hind leg against the bank and began to float out into the river. As he drifted on the surface he felt the beautiful cool water flap against his ears.
Raicle was contented. Maybe Raicle needed to be in Ukraine to be led to his final eutopia. Maybe Raicle was meant to go through that little heart prick. Maybe maybe maybe.
So Raicle rested. He floated along the Svernaya Dvina. He closed his eyes.
Raicle didn’t know 3 days earlier, a paper mill in Novodvinsk had spilled 16 tonnes of mercury into the Svernaya Dvina. Raicle didn’t know that this eutopia he slipped into would slowly destroy his central nervous system. Raicle didnt know that this eutopian ecstacy would slowly eat at his teeth and mouth and face. Raicle didn’t know that soon his kidneys would fail.
Raicle really didn’t know.
Raicle just swam and drifted and drifted.
------
Raicle, RIP my dear furry friend.
disappointed by places and it hurts.
And you get exasperated.
You want to scream "why dont you understand me?".
Its all in the expectations.
We just have to managed ourselves better.
=(
The little Hare, his name Raicle Bemrylik, of Russian decent, had to slave away at the fields everyday. The other hares didnt care for Raicle so much but they would still include him at lunch or while having a blade of grass together. You see Raicle was different. While the rest of the mad hares were local Ukrainians who were used to the lands and all its associated food chain and way of living, Raicle was still struggling to learn the ways of the world, quite different from that of what he knew in Russia.
The other Hares think Raicle silly? The other Hares think Raicle naive? Perhaps they thought of Raicle as a Russian Spy. Perhaps they thought of Raicle as a useful tool. Perhaps perhaps perhaps. It didn’t matter, Raicle was happy to be in Ukraine where the sun was a little brighter and the wind a lesser cold.
Sometimes Raicle would get bothered when the mad hares called out to him…
“Hey Bemrylik! Why you so small? Whats the matter? Not enough food in Russia?” and they would laugh together.
And Raicle would laugh it off as he slung his little world traveller bag on the fields. But he was sad. What choice did he have in food if Russia was run by a some man called Stalin who talked only about all things Communist? Raicle did what he could best to stay afloat. Raicle felt small.
Raicle had seen much of the terrible things that humans were capable of doing to each other. Russia was in poverty. People were cruel to each other. Raicle couldn’t let it happen to himself, to his new eutopia. Raicle the Hare protected what he knew of his safe haven- His circle of working Ukrainian Hares that sang the song “Carrots are Good for You” everyday of their lives.
As Raicle was hopping by a stream one day, Sajav, the Ukrainian elder came hopping towards him. Raicle was startled as he was in the midst of appreciating the trickling water in the stream.
And Sajav said “Bemrylik, I’m here to tell you that the group of Ukrainian Carrot Travelling Hares have decided to let you go. We are moving to Moldova in the south and we don’t want you to follow.”
Raicle was shocked. He didn’t know what to say except to be very sad. The only Hare family he knew wanted to move on without him.
“But why Sajav? Why?” Raicle cried out as he fought back his tears. Images of Russia and the dying hares flashed across his little bunny mind. He was petrified.
Sajav cared little and as he hopped away he turned back ever so slightly and said “it doesn’t really matter why, just go.”
Raicle dropped his head as he slid himself on the cool grass. A tear fell on his little foot. This little foot had to take him back to Russia and Raicle cried.
but he was tired.
Very tired.
And at times he was angry too
but he couldn’t express himself.
He tried to hold it in.
This was afterall a different place.
Raicle made effort. Raicle was civil. Raicle shared. Raicle gave.
Raicle was thrown away again.
The little Hare got on his furry feet and hopped with his world traveller bag sadly along the stream, not sure where to go or what to do. In fact, he was not sure of anything except that little prick in his tiny hare heart.
After hopping for 2 days without food, Raicle finally decided his destination. He had heard of a beautiful river back in his homeland Russia- the Svernaya Dvina River. Raicle loved water and he knew that if he returned to his homeland and to this river and lived by the river for awhile, perhaps he would feel better.
So Raicle hopped and hopped… he hopped for 211 days. Until he finally came to the beautiful Svernaya Dvina.
“Dvina. This is Perfect. Its beautiful,” said Raicle as he set his world traveller bag down and began to prepare for a swim. As the water touched his fur and cooled him down, Raicle felt a beautiful release. He kicked his tiny hind leg against the bank and began to float out into the river. As he drifted on the surface he felt the beautiful cool water flap against his ears.
Raicle was contented. Maybe Raicle needed to be in Ukraine to be led to his final eutopia. Maybe Raicle was meant to go through that little heart prick. Maybe maybe maybe.
So Raicle rested. He floated along the Svernaya Dvina. He closed his eyes.
Raicle didn’t know 3 days earlier, a paper mill in Novodvinsk had spilled 16 tonnes of mercury into the Svernaya Dvina. Raicle didn’t know that this eutopia he slipped into would slowly destroy his central nervous system. Raicle didnt know that this eutopian ecstacy would slowly eat at his teeth and mouth and face. Raicle didn’t know that soon his kidneys would fail.
Raicle really didn’t know.
Raicle just swam and drifted and drifted.
------
Raicle, RIP my dear furry friend.
Monday, March 26, 2007
It died and I'm trying to bring it back
Truth is, blogging mojo didn't die. I just moved it somewhere else secret-secret. That's me. The moment I have too many eyes stumbling on this site because of all the links and what not, I move homes. Hmm... that kind sounds like me n real life too...
ANYWAY...
The job is going well although I am tired out alot more now. And there's something in this office that leave me feeling very dizzy everyday. I'm not sure if its all the new furniture and other products, or .... i have no idea what, but this is not healthy and I'm not sure how to get rid of this feeling.
Yesterday I tried to deal with a client that would bring in for my co. many many zero$. I almost vomitted blood because a stupid colleague was born without enough cranial nerves to facilitate normal use of his brain.
Engineers should never be allowed to PR.
Engineers should never be allowed to even speak.
Engineers should sit behind a desk and do their calculations, draft their designs
but most importantly,
Engineers should shut up.
And I continually tell myself everyday that I'm not the boss yet.
I gotta control my temper.
I gotta control my expectations.
I gotta control my pride.
I gotta control my patience.
I gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta...
Samp.
ANYWAY...
The job is going well although I am tired out alot more now. And there's something in this office that leave me feeling very dizzy everyday. I'm not sure if its all the new furniture and other products, or .... i have no idea what, but this is not healthy and I'm not sure how to get rid of this feeling.
Yesterday I tried to deal with a client that would bring in for my co. many many zero$. I almost vomitted blood because a stupid colleague was born without enough cranial nerves to facilitate normal use of his brain.
Engineers should never be allowed to PR.
Engineers should never be allowed to even speak.
Engineers should sit behind a desk and do their calculations, draft their designs
but most importantly,
Engineers should shut up.
And I continually tell myself everyday that I'm not the boss yet.
I gotta control my temper.
I gotta control my expectations.
I gotta control my pride.
I gotta control my patience.
I gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta...
Samp.
Monday
I had a visitor at work which was real nice seeing that I'm so far out.. We Burger Kinged and Samps my lunch away. It was good. I moved my old stuff from this site because I've relocated personal stuff to a better location. =p this is going to be my lula & buddy shrine.
Yes. I'm obsessed. Bite me.
I love my work.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
I've been busy
New Year came and gone with too much heaty food and alas, I'm sick. Thats what no rest and bad food does to you. But over the past 1 week it was really great to see family I havent seen in SOOOOO many years and listen to alot of dialect which happens when entire familes get together. I really enjoyed just listening to people talk.
Despite being sick since about the 2nd or 3rd day of new year, I've been doing ALOT of shopping. That includes a heck of alot of pants and suit jackets, shoes shoes shoes, and a big fat mac. *grin*. ANOTHER ONE!!!! hur hur hur. Many things are coming up. Big changes ahead. I'm shivering in my pants.
So with a sore throat, a sore head and a sorely stuffed nose, i leave you with this.
I know right. its like the cutest thing ever.
Lula coming by my desk while i was working for a little huggs.
Despite being sick since about the 2nd or 3rd day of new year, I've been doing ALOT of shopping. That includes a heck of alot of pants and suit jackets, shoes shoes shoes, and a big fat mac. *grin*. ANOTHER ONE!!!! hur hur hur. Many things are coming up. Big changes ahead. I'm shivering in my pants.
So with a sore throat, a sore head and a sorely stuffed nose, i leave you with this.
I know right. its like the cutest thing ever.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Exhaustion
this is exhaustion.
Ryce catching a nap after my own 15 min power nap at vanessa's place. I wasnt the only one washed out this week.
I am exhausted. Its been a l o n g week. Projects (all rushed) popped out of nowhere. I saw myself on the cell phone, lap top and numerous car errands all week long. Sleep was but a stranger.
And if I was so blessed to have alittle time to sleep, my mind was plagued with little worries of things up and coming in my life.
I need solid undisturbed sleep. Somehow I wish this was a regular weekend and not Chinese New Year weekend. I have no strength to look for CNY clothes at this 11th hour.
Exhaustion.
I am exhausted. Its been a l o n g week. Projects (all rushed) popped out of nowhere. I saw myself on the cell phone, lap top and numerous car errands all week long. Sleep was but a stranger.
And if I was so blessed to have alittle time to sleep, my mind was plagued with little worries of things up and coming in my life.
I need solid undisturbed sleep. Somehow I wish this was a regular weekend and not Chinese New Year weekend. I have no strength to look for CNY clothes at this 11th hour.
Exhaustion.
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